Sad eyes

Despite my current predicament (or perhaps more so because of it) I remain committed to getting a meal to Central Park every Tuesday since there's no one else serving a meal in the area  Apparently some folks travel out to Hollywood for a meal during the week because it's the only one they know of on that day of the week.

Given how this starts, it seems like this post should go in the Barry's Kitchen blog. Some of the content will, now that I think about it, but with a slightly different perspective. Anyway, I showed up at the park, got set up and starting serving meals. Most of the people now are regulars, but we're starting to get some new faces. One such person came after I'd served all the regulars. She said something to the effect that I was going to/was being blessed by God. We stuck up a conversation, and suddenly she asked how I was doing. I said I was OK, and she immediately replied: "You have sad eyes." 

I was caught off guard. As I reflect on this, I can see that I've been attempting to motor my way through, but this has and will continue to affect me emotionally. I can't be in denial about this. But another part of me is responding to the fact that someone could see my emotional state and was concerned about it - a stranger, no less.  For someone who's been so self-reliant all his life, this is... potentially terrifying.

Setting the expectations

I become a sojourner again in a few days. I imagine that I've already mentioned how the homeless are typically viewed by the general society. Imagine that view amplified by the fear of infection.

I've been contacting friends and acquaintances advising them of my upcoming sojourn. I'm grateful to have a couple of friends offer me a place to shower. One has even gone as far as to let me cook on Tuesdays on his front porch to continue to feed the homeless going forward. However, someone who let me cook at their place a few years back refused because the consensus of everyone living there didn't want to deal with the risk of infection. Moreover, they chose not to allow me to use their facilities to shower. It was disappointing to hear, but I don't take it personally.

One person has actually told me she'll take me in if I have nowhere else to go. It's kinda cramped there, so I will probably pass though I will take her up on showering there. I'd like to find a 3rd place so I can bathe 3 times a week and do my due diligence with a washcloth in bathroom on the other days. It's still late April, but we've already had 90 degree weather. I'm not looking forward to things if the quarantine extends into the summer.  I expect it will not be fun, but I know I've got a least a couple of friends to help out. That's going to make a big difference.

Moving out

As I mentioned previously, I've sorted through unopened boxes to categorize items as being:

- must save;
- would like to save;
- i can't believe i kept this stuff;

there's also some clothes that really don't fit as i've put on some weight (that should change once i hit the street again). i plan on taking those items to the park and offering them to the homeless.

There's a box of memorabilia that's going into the trash - stuff from high school, college, bowl games, a volleyball signed by all my college teammates, a triptik for my drive across the US,  stuff from my trip to france. i remember all these events, but it was a very different person who experienced all these things, and i have little desire to dwell on who that person was. does that make sense?

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There's more, I need to start sorting out stuff that I will need with me. As I was composing my last entry, I realized: "can opener" since my access to cooking will be limited.

The Valley season II

I note with dismay that I stopped posting. There are things to get caught with, but for now, season II in the valley, more oppressive circumstances.

A coronavirus identified as Covid-19 has prompted a worldwide quarantine, and in the U.S. there has been a shutdown of all industries deemed non-essential, including all schools. Given that all my employment is student driven (tutoring, the afterschool chess programs, music lessons) I've had no new income since March 18th.

My two roommates who are freelance musicians and they've seen their gigs cancelled/postponed, some up through 2021. Rather than accrue months of deferred rent, they elected to give notice at the beginning of the month and move in with friends and family. I've had no choice but to give notice as well. With four days to go, I've not been able to secure a place with the quarantine in place but I think I'll be able to store most of my stuff. I never unloaded most of the bozes I moved in with, so packing hasn't been so much a problem as realizing that I never opened these boxes for a reason. I've already downsized from a 3 bedroom home to a 2 bedroom apartment to a single rented room. But it looks I'm going to trim down even further to what will fit into 2 4x4x4' lockers along with some rafter space for my loft.

As bad as things are for people who have residences and sleep indoors, things are even more difficult for the homeless/people who sleep outdoors. The homeless who sleep indoors are at the greatest risk for catching the virus as they sleep in cramped quarters at night. But there is no place to go during the day. The libraries have been deemed non-essential - no respite from bad weather during the day, but more significantly - no places to recharge their phones. Moreover, many programs have shut down their food programs, so access to food is limited. The fast food places that accept EBT are open, but drive thru only, and cooked food is theoretically banned from purchase; you can't use EBT to get coffee, but you can purchase COLD drinks. I'm hoping the starbucks is still in the von's in east pasadena - a drink, a place to get wifi WITH electric outlets and a bathroom....