Holiday in the Valley

Holidays are anything but the Valley; people celebrating while a lot of public facilities that would provide refuge/respite for the day are closed. After meeting a friend for lunch I retreated to one of the few local fast food places that offer free AND still have uncovered electrical sockets to take advantage of the A/C and wait out the heat today.

Sojourners In The Valley

The journey is a lonely one. The isolation comes from without, as we are shunned by others who wish not to associate with those in our state. I've long categorized it a consequence of the fear of contamination, but it occurs to me now that it's not that as much as it is  a fear of contagion, the realization that they have no vaccination or natural immunity and it could be happening to them.

But the isolation also comes from within. Any shame that results from being in this condition actually initiates a neurochemical response in our brains that more often than not, prompts us to isolate ourselves. The isolation intensifies the downward spiral as shame is healed within healthy community, and the only community available to be among equally damaged sojourners.

And this is where I currently find myself, having isolated myself for so long that I'm essentially cut off from the vast majority of my acquaintances and looking for an oasis, which is hard enough to find for someone who isn't a sojourner.

Up to now, I've tried to be more intentional through the relationships I've developed through my dancing and DJ-ing. And it's helped. But I know that it's not enough.

Pioneer Not A Settler

I've reached a milestone in having paid my bills this month entirely through income I made during the month, but I don't get to rest there. This week I was told that I need to find someplace else to stay within a couple of months. I didn't see this coming, but it's not the end of the world.  I thought I'd get a chance to coast a bit and use some of the extra income to start paying down my credit cards. No rest for this sojourner; but at least I have two months notice to galvanize and continue to up the level of steady income. I guess that the best way of looking at this is that I being compelled to continue to push forward because there are people waiting for me to get through my adversity. The mantle of responsibility may fit, but it's not something I put on naturally or wear comfortably.

Good Things

This post was originally titled "Stuff Happens" and the intent was to go on about the struggles of the past week. The short version is that I was rear-ended by someone driving a pickup truck over a week ago, and I had to deal with the process of making myself whole again; the car sustained about $1200 estimated damages and there was a chance my coverage was not going to cover all that because the car was stolen and was being driven by an uninsured motorist. Then this week I had to begin attending a mandatory class that's been described as being extremely dull by people who've taken the class previously.

Let's make it clear, the last 10 days have sucked; besides the worry and stress, I was also dealing with the physical trauma expressed in tension headaches, etc. and more than anything, I found myself struggling with whether I should employ a P.I. attorney for damages. About ten years ago, someone made a left turn in front of me and I t-boned them. I was awarded $2500 in damages. I decided it against it and decided to trust that things would work out without me trying to squeeze money out of someone through the legal system.

Yesterday I reached an arrangement with my landlord so that I could reduce my rent down to only $200 a month by helping him 6 hours a week building up his internet presence. And the class I've been required to attend has been a pleasant surprise. Not only has the facilitator been helpful, we've been released when the material has been covered and not been required to stay through the three hours allotted for the class. But the best surprise has been the interaction with other people required to take this class; a camaraderie has quickly formed and we are volunteering helpful bits of information in response to hearing of everyone else's situations. This strengthens my resolve to work towards getting the funds to create a community center in anticipation of the consequences when the bubble finally bursts economy-wise.

Finally, I got my first treatment from my new chirorpractor this week and while I'm feeling a little beat up from the adjustments, I can tell my body is taking those adjustments and working its way back to a more optimal alignment.

The bottom line is that despite all the stuff going on, right now, I feel good. And grateful. And I'd like this to be regular kind of thing. Especially the gratitude part.

Emigration

Moving to the valley is a metaphor that continues to evolve. With this post, I want to focus on it being an emigration or maybe even an evacuation that's being driven by economics. I've met fellow emigrants while providing a weekly dinner at a nearby public park. But what's foremost on my mind is the growing awareness of how many more potentials emigrants there are, and the thinness of the margins they have (for many, only a paycheck or two) before they are forced into the valley as well. And I don't see that condition changing or improving, and it's difficult not to be extremely apprehensive about this.

The System

To get government benefits, one must go to the department of social services. The first visit can take all day,  Apparently there are some folks out there trying to game the system who aren't eligible for benefits, and they fit a certain demographic which as a consequence prompts a bit more scrutiny when their applications are reviewed.  But otherwise, you can be in and out with a couple of hours.

Upon entering, you are required to check in and you go through a process that includes filling out an application, an interview reviewing that application, fingerprinting, and scheduling your next appointment, which involves a session with GROW (general relief opportunities for work). Along with attending that session, you must then go to the EDD office and register and apply for six jobs. To continue your eligibility for benefits, you are expected to expend a total of 20 hours a week working and/or looking for work.

There are other requirements to be fulfilled to maintain eligiblity for benefits. More on that later.

Changes

Lots of stuff going on this week. Whether it's a coincidence or a consequence, I'm feeling emotionally raw this morning, if that's the right word to use to describe it.  I downloaded watched this week's episode of Lethal Weapon last night and as I watched the episode at the library this morning I found myself empathizing with feelings of sadness, betrayal, loyalty, to the point of tears. Yet at the same time, I'm feeling no empathy for someone sitting nearby who was disturbing me speaking loudly, shaking the table, and in general showing no apparent consideration for how he was disturbing me. So maybe it's more accurate to say that I'm more aware of my own pain this morning.

My natural inclination is to be analytical and list all the stuff going on and try to figure out what the heck is going on. But I'm not going to do that. And maybe that's going to be the most significant change of the week. I once read that when you're down in the pit, bleeding, your first impulse will be to try and stop the bleeding, and it's important to resist that impulse.

I still need to make dinner for tonight to take to the park, but I think I need to skip the normal internet routine today.

It's Work To Be Homeless

I've been hanging out with "Rob" discovering the ins and outs of EBT, free wifi, access to electricity, etc. and this may seem kinda silly, but being homeless is a full time job, especially if you don't have access to public transportation.

Just getting to food every day is work, especially when it's not at the same place. It's gotten more complicated as places in Pasadena that have rendered assistance to the homeless in the past have implemented new guidelines that require people to register and fulfill certain requirements in order to qualify. For example, one place may require you to attend a class at 1pm. Such a requirement is completely disruptive for someone that day who may be genuinely out looking for work but does not have access to transportation of any type. As a consequence, fewer people are now getting assistance from these programs, and the overall percentage of what I'd categorize as chronic homeless as increased in the greater Pasadena area.

Beneath the Surface

I've had to deal with a lack of power where I'm sleeping, so I've spent the last couple of days looking for places to go for electricity/wifi access. This morning I went to get coffee at McDonald's where I used to live, which is a fairly affluent neighborhood. I'd live here for over four years, but it's only in the last couple of months that I've become aware of the homeless population in the neighborhood. I ran into someone who used to come to dinner on Tuesdays but 'Denny' (not his real name) "moved" into this neighborhood to get away from the predators in greater Pasadena. We got caught up & I learned a lot about what I'd describe as "underground" support there is for the homeless in this particular neighborhood; there are a number of restaurants that leave food out every night - and once they get to know your situation they'll even let you know exactly what time they'll leave the food outside. And while the police are vigilant about potential miscreants, they don't categorize the homeless that way. Apparently one of their sergeants videotaped an interview with 'Denny' and showed it to the city council and the police don't harass him at the two places where he sleeps regularly. Frankly I'm kind of surprised to learn some of this; I lived here for over four years and during that time if you'd asked you if there were any homeless in my neighborhood, I would have said no. But maybe that reflects the mindset of the residents whereas the folks who work here are more in touch with the financial realities of the less fortunate. As I'm typing this, I note the facial expression of a teenager at an adjacent table watching me work on my laptop here, and I can read the judgement written there. It is what it is.

I am now engaged in conversation with a couple who've also showed up to tap into the free wifi and electric outlet. I'm not sure what's going on, but the conversation has been unusual to say the least. Upon hearing certain details of my situation, I have been offered the names of 3-4 people as potential contacts in the music and dance arenas as sources for potential employment. Naturally I'm kinda skeptical; and seeing that register on my face, I'm told that they don't do this for everyone, and the female tells me that she can sense that I need the help and that I am somehow deserving of it.  So I'm now trying to figure out whether I'm part of a divine appointment, or I'm just humoring some folks who just want attention..  So maybe this couple really sees me beneath the surface, or I need to discern what's going on beneath the surface for them. With the names I've been given to research, it'll be pretty easy to get an idea about it.

EBT

I inadvertently found myself a sherpa on my latest (and unexpected) exploration which involves EBT, an acronym for the California Electronic Benefits Transfer Program, which is the new name of the state program that administers benefits such as food stamps, etc. "Rob" discovered that he'd never gotten his benefits cancelled and has managed to accumulate over $1000 in his EBT account. You get issued an EBT card that works pretty much like a debit card and it will cover food purchases. Last week, he used his card to purchase $80 worth of non perishable items like rice, beans, various spices such as cumin, garlic powder, what have you, and donated it to BK. This week, he purchased all the ingredients for this week's dinner for the homeless later tonight (white chicken chili over rice, for those who want to know).

I discovered that the the program has expanded to allow benefit holders to purchase meals at various fast food outlets, including some but not all franchise chains such as Subway, Domino's, Jack In The Box, Burger King (but oddly enough, not McDonald's). "Rob" invited me to join him for dinner at Jack In The Box last night. I joined him mainly to keep him company, but we ended up doing a little tour of all the various places around Pasadena. I hadn't been inside a J.I.T.B in over 20 years; I visited three last night and eventually tried their filet of fish special for $3.99. This particular J.I.T.B. had a posted sign stating a"loitering" period of only 30 minutes, but we ended up staying there and talking for at least 2.5 hours with no objection from the management. I imagine that the rule is selectively enforced.

Speaking of selectively enforced, Starbucks corporate chain stores do not accept EBT, but Starbucks locations inside other stores (particularly, grocery stores) *may*. There happens to be a Starbucks in east Pasadena located inside a Vons supermarket that could prove to be optimal where you could use your card to get the $1.95 coffee and essentially rent a spot in the lounge area all day and get the free wifi. If you were looking to get the max out of your benefit, I think this would be it.

Exploring On Foot

I woke up at 10:41am this morning. It's memorable because I've woken pretty much without fail between 6:30 & 7am for the last couple of years courtesy of a bladder driven alarm clock. The main point is that I've slept pretty well since moving out of South Pasadena, and even though I'm still eating pretty much the same (if anything, I've eaten out more often) and given that the jeans I'm wearing used to be kinda tight and I had to stop and put on a belt before I left this morning makes me pretty sure that I'm losing weight as a benefit; almost 20 years ago I ate my way through France and managed to lose about five pounds overall between walking around all day and sleeping an average of ten (10) hours a night. The last month in South Pasadena, I probably slept as much at my desk as I did on my futon and getting no more than six hours a day total.

Before I moved, I was getting by on about $15 a week (roughly 6 gallons) for gas. My mileage has doubled since then. When you're counting shillings, pence are significant. So today, I was motivated to get a little exercise and so I took a walk to a nearby ethnic supermarket that a few people have raved about. The Yelp reviews have not been kind, and if I had to write a Yelp review, my assessment would pretty much mirror them. But to be completely fair, if you like apples, this place will suit you well - almost all their apples, including the Fujis, were all 2 lbs. for $1. And I got in about a mile of walking.

Going the other direction, the neighborhood public library is only a couple of blocks away and open from 10-6 on weekdays. I'm now here hoping to use the rest of the afternoon working on the ebook rewrite.

Maybe not; around 1:45pm, a number of school kids come in, and the volume level increases noticeably. This is a branch library. There's a main library in the neighborhood about 1.5 miles away. Maybe I should get a bike.

Exploring

It's been raining a lot lately, but that stopped. I'm grateful for that. Probably even more so that the lows temp-wise will be around 50 after going into the high 30's last week.

I have a space heater but am reluctant to use it a lot knowing how much my bill was when an electric heater was used back in my old apartment . So when I woke up yesterday morning at 7am and was unable to go back to sleep. I did a quick search of all the McDonald's between where I am and where I was planning to meet some friends for lunch to observe Chinese new years.

McDonald's offers free Wifi and they currently have a $1 coffee special with free refills. The McD's in South Pasadena has *one* electric outlet, a concession to folks who use it to recharge their phones - yes, surprisingly, there is a homeless contingent in South Pasadena, and one such person who was charging his phone Friday evening gave me a quick list of all the places that give out free food during the week. Apparently if you go to the police station, they'll give you a blanket if you're cold at night.  But I digress.

The McD's closest to me had all their outlets covered. Ditto for the two McD's in Pasadena and there were homeless sleeping in seats farthest away from the ordering stations.

I got to the McD's in Temple City, all outlets covered - and packed with old Chinese scarfing down breakfast. Didn't see that one coming.

My reconnoitering complete for the morning, I went to a Starbucks in Arcadia, and rented a table and outlet for the price of a $1.95 small coffee and chatted off and on with some guys seated at the next table while I surfed the web and did a little rewriting on my ebook until I left for lunch in Arcadia around 11;30am..

In conclusion, the Pasadena library which is open 9am-9pm M-Th, 9am-6pm Fri-Sat & (I think) 1-5pm on Sundays. is still probably the main choice for free wifi and respite from inclement weather conditions. & Starbucks can be the go-to starting at 5am and as late as 11pm for the price of a $1.95 coffee. How you get there and where you go after that, I'm still exploring.

The SAM Leaves A Poisoned Oasis.

Clearly this blog is no longer about living literally in "the valley" referring the the SFV in southern CA; the valley is now a metaphor, and the title is not necessarily optimal. A better title might be the SAM enters the valley; the valley was never intended to be a destination as much it was a place to sojourn. The sojourning continues.

I moved out of an extremely affordable apartment that was IMO ideally situated, but the truth of the matter is that I had to leave what have become a poisoned oasis. To help cover my rent expenses, I took on a roommate with adding that person to the lease. Things were fine for a while until that roommate took in someone who had been thrown out by a neighbor in the complex. That person was bad news, but my roommate was adamant about letting that person stay in their bedroom. That person's presence was actually the motivating factor in leaving.

I never did get that person's entire full name until after I'd moved out, and I elected to run an internet search on that name and discovered a site listing a person with that name (and a picture - so it's pretty clear that it's him) is required to register as a sex offender in the state of CA.

I also found another site where someone with that name is alleged to have run a fake ministry for the homeless, targeting vulnerable homeless people.

I sent a link to the first site to my ex-roommate. They have not responded and I'm really concerned for their sake.

But the main point is that while I was really reluctant to give up what was to me an oasis, the oasis had been poisoned, and the healthy thing was to get out.

The library

I'm awake at 3am because I had nothing better to do  at 8:30 pm than go to sleep after a meal of beans & tortillas induced a major food coma only to have to wake up as I now usually have to around this time of night to have to take care of a certain body function that occurs more often with an enlarged prostate. According to  weather.com it's 43 degrees outside and it feels like 40 with the dampness. It's actually not that bad as long in here as I keep my head covered at night. My hands used to get cold, but I've discovered that I can type (albeit only using my middle fingers) wearing these thick hospital booties I got to wear on my feet during my stay.  Actually, I'm cheating a little bit. There's a small space heater in the RV and I turned it on briefly. I've repented and turned it off and snuggled back under the sleeping bag. Enough preamble.

Back when I first got out of college, I couldn't find a job. I made it a habit to leave the house around 8:45am to go to the library so I wouldn't be home when my father woke. He had to be at work around 11am so I'd come home for lunch. The point was that the library became a refuge and I began to notice that the same people were often there. I noticed an attractive woman who couldn't have been more than a few years older than I was. I couldn't work up the nerve to start a conversation so I never did learn his story of why she was always at the library.

It's not that different now, except that instead of reading books, I'm there to tap their wifi. There are a number of homeless who spend a lot of time at the Pasadena public library when it's open, especially given how rainy it's been. It's actually a routine for them. They more or less live there during the day when there's no place else to go.  I found myself wondering where they went this past Monday as it rained most of the day but the library was closed in observance of MLK day.

I was at the library this afternoon when a homeless person got belligerent and started shouting. I could see the same look cross everyone else's face; a combination of worry that he'd escalate and somehow get them involved as well as a concern that he'd ruin things for everyone else who use the library as their refuge during the day.

I still carry a laptop, but nowadays at most libraries there are computers available with internet access that anyone can use as long as they have a library card. IIRC a library card requires that you have a physical address to apply for one. I'm curious to find out how the homeless manage to circumvent that requirement.

I Never Specified Which Valley...

I have been back in the SGV for almost a week,  and it has rained almost constantly, which put a serious damper (pun intended) on my driving around. There are a few spots on the convertible top that need a bit more taping up.

The bottom line is that I am grateful to be here, more so now that the USB wireless adapter I ordered from ebay has arrived and I now appear to have decent wifi reception. I suppose I need to elucidate; I am now residing in an RV parked in a driveway with an extension cord from the house providing electricity to power the small refrigerator and lights and other appliances. Before I got the adapter, I had to open the door to ensure decent reception, something not so appealing when it's raining with temperatures ranging from the high 30's to the upper 50's depending on the time of day.

The sun was warm this morning. I should go outside and keep blogging there.

Nice idea, but the glare is making it difficult to tell if I'm making any spelling erros, er, errors. Back inside to see if this works in the back of the RV.

Nope, not so much, but now it seems like I can get consistent wifi. It may not seem like much, but for the internet junkie which I clearly have become, yeah, it matters. I had considered the possibility that the limited wifi might be an external means of me cutting down my internet time. We'll see.

I replaced the microwave that I had given to Angel last night. I celebrated by microwaving dinner; tortillas with ham, cheese and kale folded into pseudo quesadillas. I had toasted them the night before using the toaster oven that's missing the knob requiring me to turn it on using a set of vice grips. It's the little quirks like that that endear me to this situation as I continue to adapt.

I should go out and enjoy the sun while it's out. That thought never occurred to me while I was still living in South Pasadena. So I'm changing already.

The End?

Most everything is repacked, with boxes sorted into piles marked 'Glendale' & 'Altadena' for where the remainder of my worldly possessions will either go into (relatively brief?) storage or with me to my future lodgings.

To be true to the title of the blog, this should be my last entry, but I'm thinking the title can become a metaphor to describe how you plan and expect certain things to happen while things end up turning out very differently. One such thing would be the tutoring position for which I have a second interview to be scheduled not panning out, especially I'm banking on that coming through to be able to make sufficient income moving forward. Well see, I guess.

Detour

My brief physical sojourn in the SFV apparently ends tomorrow. It's not been a great week, I'm not sure I should say anything more than that, except that there are times when it really is a good idea to try and identify and then articulate all possible expectations before offering or accepting help.

Of course, that's easier said than done; it's not natural to stop and consider all the potential ramifications when the waves seem to be closing in overhead over yourself and someone tosses you an apparent lifeline or if you see someone apparently about to go under when you're in a dinghy that's already at  full capacity.

I guess what I find most frustrating about it is the sense of the cost/effort expended to pull myself up that lifeline hand over hand, flop over the edge of the boat feeling completely exhausted, only to be told while you are struggling to just catch your breath, that the act of trying to do so results in being told that you have to go back overboard for fear that the vessel will capsize.  It's difficult not to personalize the judgement and I'm trying not to do so. Yet I had no other lifeline in respect to trying to preserve possession of some of my belongings - the amount being a factor leading to my being told that I need to leave.

Fortunately, I have since found a place to store a lot of the stuff I'd like to keep but will not need in the short term, and even as I compose this entry I have been informed by email that I now have a place where I can lay my head when I move out tomrrow and I will be returning to the SGV. So there is some relief in sight. And since I did little unpacking, all I have to do is repack a box or two, and sort through my stuff and organize how to load the truck tomorrow.

I am still feeling very fatigued by the process. Yet active rest is denied me here, which prompts more feelings of frustration.

But I see this as a learning process, and I want to post about that at some length. But that can wait.

The SFV

Circumstances have led me to the SFV. This may be for a matter of days, weeks, or months, I remain committed to promoting Barry's Kitchen, but I wonder if this will lead to a BK SFV. It's Tuesday, and I have to pack up and head to Pasadena for tonight's dinner.