Detour

My brief physical sojourn in the SFV apparently ends tomorrow. It's not been a great week, I'm not sure I should say anything more than that, except that there are times when it really is a good idea to try and identify and then articulate all possible expectations before offering or accepting help.

Of course, that's easier said than done; it's not natural to stop and consider all the potential ramifications when the waves seem to be closing in overhead over yourself and someone tosses you an apparent lifeline or if you see someone apparently about to go under when you're in a dinghy that's already at  full capacity.

I guess what I find most frustrating about it is the sense of the cost/effort expended to pull myself up that lifeline hand over hand, flop over the edge of the boat feeling completely exhausted, only to be told while you are struggling to just catch your breath, that the act of trying to do so results in being told that you have to go back overboard for fear that the vessel will capsize.  It's difficult not to personalize the judgement and I'm trying not to do so. Yet I had no other lifeline in respect to trying to preserve possession of some of my belongings - the amount being a factor leading to my being told that I need to leave.

Fortunately, I have since found a place to store a lot of the stuff I'd like to keep but will not need in the short term, and even as I compose this entry I have been informed by email that I now have a place where I can lay my head when I move out tomrrow and I will be returning to the SGV. So there is some relief in sight. And since I did little unpacking, all I have to do is repack a box or two, and sort through my stuff and organize how to load the truck tomorrow.

I am still feeling very fatigued by the process. Yet active rest is denied me here, which prompts more feelings of frustration.

But I see this as a learning process, and I want to post about that at some length. But that can wait.