06-29

Back in the fedex lot at 10:10 pm. set the alarm for 2:30 and hopefully asleep by 10:30.
I note that I'm doing pretty well typing in the dark; my muscle memory has kicked in to where all the keys are on the keyboard. that's gratifying.

hopefully i have only a few more days in my car; i really want the room in east pasadena. it's in a nice apartment building off michillinda in east pasadena just north of sierra madre drive. it's at least 10 minutes closer to fedex, and will be more convenient for all my SGV chess classes. i can shoot down michillinda to get to oasis, double back slightly to go down rosemead to get to hacienda heights, and i'm farther east to get to faith baptist taking the 210 east to the irwindale exit. still only 10-15 minutes away from stratford and my regular tutoring at huntington - and $800 covers rent AND utilities. i just have to pay an additional $100 for a parking permit, but i really do like this location.

i might be happy living in another spot near my old house, but i never heard back from this guy after i told him my age. it'd probably be another $150 more a month - money i could use to pay down my credit cards.

i did send emails to all the ads offering rooms for less than $600 a month - but they all look like scams. if i'm out in my car for longer, this time i'm going to spend more time writing/blogging. and probably sleeping - but instead of moving around for shade, i'll probably try parking at target - and investigate using the restrooms there for freshening up - cleaning up after work in the morning will help, but i'm still going to be kinda rank at the end of a hot day. maybe i'll start waking up 10 minutes earlier and freshening up in the restroom(s) in the guard house.

got off at 7:15 - 4.5 hours. it was allegedly a heavy day, but with a full staff, it was almost mundane.

napped until 9am, stopped and got 3 banh mi's for less than $8 (buy two get one free) at the BMCC at lower azusa and santa anita. got up to huntington by 9:30, ate one banh mi. and not only recharged my laptop, also surfed the web plugged in afterwards until 12:45.

stopped at stater bro's across the street picked up gatorade on sale and $40 cash.  went to eaton blanche to eat another banh mi and read an ebook on my laptop.  the plan is napping until 6-7, tap my mechanic's wifi, recharging at the metro as needed, tapping the wifi at REI again if the mood hits me and heading off to fedex.

i never mentioned the call i got from alan in DC back on the 21st. it was a huge shot in the arm.

while at eaton blanche i got a call from my niece's husband mike who wanted to explore the possibility of me reading my blog post as a eulogy.  i said i'd look into the possibility of  recording it.

charging at the metro from 7-8. it's deserted except for a homeless guy talking to himself and laughing on the platform. waiting for REI to close so I can check my email. if that fails, park at denny's and tap their wifi before i head off to fedex for the night. i *think* the call time is 3:15am. i'll decide if i want to wake up early and just wait.
having the tutoring 3 days a week will take a lot of the burden off recharging since i can also stay surf the web afterwards. if i have to stay in the car a bit longer i think i can manage - at least until it gets super hot.

06-28

well, that was weird, i set my phone alarm, and it went off an hour later than programmed. the weird part was that the time showing when the alarm went off was the time specified, but suddenly jumped to an hour later. so i called in rather than show up to work 2 hours late, (and probably work only an hour). but i'm awake, answering emails and whatnot, and getting ready to load up the car and hit the streets again; the house sitting ends today, and unless i secure something today, i'm in my car again. it was nice while it lasted.

i need to call my cousin here in town and make sure he knows about dad. i left a message on his cell but i have no idea if he got the message. strangely enough, i still remember his landline number from 30 years ago. i confirmed it on the internet.

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got through to my cousin ken.

went to see an apartment in east pasadena. the rent is perfect - what i was paying before and it includes utilities. hoping i get it. if i do i move in on wednesday.

back on the street tonight.

06-25

went 6 hours at work - pulled off smalls to help with the van line. i wouldn't mind floating like that. i found someone else's ID and turned it on. turnabout is fair play - i lost my keys and someone turned them in.

we elected to go with hospice care protocol and dad went from 100% to 85% oxygen. i called during a visit from my sister & kein. dad tried to grab the phone and talk but i couldn't understand him. they shut off the oxygen and dad passed away around 5pm central time. spent a lot of the day responding to comments on FB, composing my last blog entry for dad.

06-23

today was a busy day. got woken up by a text from my sister that dad was being transferred from the the assisted living facility to the hospital because he wasn't getting enough oxygen. a subsequent call from my sister communicated results of an x-ray that revealed what's characteristic of covid-19 victims in terms of the masses in the lungs, etc. and that we needed to reach a consensus on what to do if it was determined that dad needed to go onto a ventilator. it turns out that dad has a DNR, but that only applies to cardio pulmonary resuscitation.

my response was that i had a view, but if she wanted to do something that was not in line with that, that was ok. it turned out that we both felt it best to honor the spirit of the DNR. it's not the kind of choice kids should have to make for their parents. but the end result is that dad has been placed in comfort care - which tends to his symptoms, but does not try to cure the disease. so unless a miracle of some sort occurs, my father is going to die in quarantine.

while absorbing that, i started filming on the mini-documentary on my feeding the homeless later that day - before actually going out to the park with dinner in the evening.

06-20

didn't have to go in until 4am, got out at 7:15, and after getting home and eating, slept until almost 3pm. i guess i need more rest than i thought.

i'm grateful to be house sitting here, but the isolation is hard on me. the main alternatives are shopping, cooking, and eating and surfing the internet looking for more blues music.

06-19

worked from 2:15 to almost 8:45. fridays are one of the busiest days of the week. i had just enough time to get gas, stop at von's for some takeout, get home, shower, and get to the tutoring center by 9:50. tutored until noon, ate and slept until 6pm. this is noteworthy because i'd gone to bed around 8pm getting in five hours before work when i usually get 3-4 hours. but clearly i needed the rest. i'll get more this weekend; i probably won't work more than 3 hours each day and i don't have to go in until 4am tomorrow morning. i'm still not getting direct deposit yet. my manager said he'd look into that for me. i got another short story to review from this friend who also dances. i'll put a little time into that tonight.

06-17

it's my day off, ready to get a few things done - and then i got an email from my sister that dad's got covid-19. he's 96, but for now the symptoms are mild. there's a lot more drama involved than i'm going to go into here, but my mother surviving my dad would create some serious financial issues.

so i've been more or less useless - and getting a case of the sniffles myself and sleeping most of the day. i'll see how i feel when my alarm goes off for a 2:15am call time on a "volunteer" day, that is to say, i technically have the day off but i've volunteered to go in - i think i need the extra hours but maybe i need the rest more right now.

06-14

3-6:15am. filled in 2-3 different roles this morning without being told. head manager commended me for my hard work this morning. hopefully that'll make a difference when they let the seasonal workers go.

made breakfast and cleaned out portions of the refrigerator, including an open bag of cucumbers that had disintegrated into mush and leaked all over the inside of the produce drawer.

part of me really wants to go out for lunch just to get out of the house. ironic.

went grocery shopping, loaded up on beef: cheeks  heart, which sounds offal. heh.

made tomato soup with onion/carrot  black beans as a thickener. ate three bowls. in bed at 10 for a 2am. i may regret this since i also have tutoring from 10am-12pm monday.

06-13

4am-7:45am with no break.

work was insane - while the overall volume was relatively low, the percentage that went though our section was probably double the normal percentage - father's day stuff. we doubled the staff at critical points accordingly.

came home, ate/slept until 2pm.

got an email from karen that helped clarify things for me. i need to work on the business plan, but it won't be a major part of what we film. it helps to put boundaries around the thing.

now that i'm inside, i find myself extremely bored and missing not seeing some of the folks i've newly met. i know i'm eating more than i should, but i've been cooking and i have leftovers. so i tried to buy more fruits and vegetables so if i'm going to eat, less heavy carbs like the pasta i've been eating for the last 3 days.

06-12

3:15-8:15 and plenty left to do, but all the newbies got sent home.  stopped at vons for some of their friday specials. the sushi with brown rice was a mistake. but i got a coupon for $5 off my next purchase. the 8 pc of chicken for only $3.99 was a better buy.

slept from 10 to 2.

spent some time thinking about what the video should be about. i need to work on the business plan before i go forward. but there's a reason i've been putting it off; how to get started. so i'll google it and see what i find.

06-11

1:15-7:30: a little odd since they made us take a lunch but worked us only 5.75 hours.

came home, napped until my 1pm with dave. composed a response to karen about the video.

asleep at 10:15-sih for a 3:15 call time.

06-10

woke up around am. cleaned up all the pots/pans i left soaking overnight.  eating a late breakfast of chili over rice with some melted cheddar.

now that i don't need to go grocery shopping the only thing i should look at today is a taillight that seems to be out according to the sheriff that pulled me over on my way to fedex a couple of nights ago.  and respond to requests for a legit address for my drivers license/REAL ID.

the rice prompted another food coma - the rest has gone into the freezer for next week.

got a call from fedex - 2:15 call time.

it's my day off - so even with the leftover chili, i decided to cook the last package of beef cheeks - in a tomato sauce that will then become a pasta sauce. fortunately, aldi's had ripe roma tomatoes at only $.39/lb so i bought about 3 lbs. i also sliced and pan fried the extra eggplant and added it - i can top those off with cheese and eat it as a pseudo eggplant parmesian.

06-09

3am-7:15am

one of my coworkers forgot her glasses, so she couldn't sort or split. they pulled some young kid off something else to take her place. tried to cover for his mistakes without saying anything. then the guy opening bags left so i took over there for the last half hour or so. then they sent all the seasonal workers (like me) home.

started dinner by cooking the (dry) black beans in the pressure cooker

slept from 9 to about 1:30.

i started to make the chili only to realize that i didn't have my 12 quart stock pot to combine the beans with the rest of the chili ingredients, so i removed some beans from the pressure cooker, added most of the rest of the ingredients as space allowed. and cooked the chili in the pressure cooker instead.

surprisingly small number of people at the park - even fewer than last week when i ad-libbed a pre curfew start time. i don't mind eating leftover chili, but there was also a great deal of left over medium grain rice. not sure my blood sugar can deal with eating that much leftover rice. maybe i should freeze some of it. i was planning on going grocery shopping tomorrow but now i guess i don't have to.

in bed by 10:30 or so.

06-08

1:15-7:45 - or they could have worked us until 7:15  & let us go. i would have rather left at 7:15.

call time 3am for tuesday. i plan on taking wednesday off.

came home, made breakfast, ate, slept until 1:30-ish. got a call from huntington; they've been granted permission to reopen - individual tutoring only so i can start possibly getting hours from them starting next monday. almost like a response to my concerns about getting fewer hours at fedex. derek also let me know that a friend is interested in doing a mini-documentary on barry's kitchen. this should when we start fund raising in earnest.

one more thing, while shopping for dinner tomorrow, i spent the remaining balance on my EBT. well, there's something like $.87 left. the extra $400 helped while sleeping in the car.

06-07

put in another 3 hour day. i suppose that's going to happen on weekends when the surge bonus of an extra $2/hour applies. part of me wants to be apprehensive at the hours even while i recognize that my aches i had last night aren't bothering me now - and that the reduced workload might been part of a plan that was concerned about my health.

we were short two people so i ended up floating between 3 spots: sorting, transporting incoming packages and loading packages onto the belt. it was gratifying to be able to show initiative in moving to do things that needed to be done without needing to be told, not that management seemed to notice. but i'd like to think my coworkers noticed.

anyway, got home, ate, and then slept from 6-10am.

i think i understand why i got the short hours; after lunch i decided to take another nap - and slept until 9:30pm! clearly my body needs more rest than i'd realized. might as well go back to sleep. i have a 1:30 call time - and mondays are typically brutal.

06-06

they let us go shortly after 6 - the weekend surge rate of an extra $2/hr probably is a factor. no matter; the hours i get will be the hours i get. experimented by taking surface streets to santa anita up to the 210 about the same time and shaves a couple of miles off the commute each way, and also allows me to refuel on my commute route. cashed my paycheck on the way home, ate and was asleep by 8am, woke up a 11:30am.

today is also cool and damp. it occurs to me that if i'd gotten my hoodie wet, i wouldn't have a backup garment to stay warm. i suppose i would have gone to a laundromat, done some laundry and dried my hoodie. but i'm feeling better about turning down the 8x10 room with all the storage space outside. without a proper awning, my stuff would be wet/damp.

i want to cook, do anything actually now that my main concerns are no longer a place to sleep, electricity access and internet. the isolation after spending all that time outside interacting with people being abruptly cut off affects me acutely than i would have expected. people living alone during this quarantine must be feeling it by now, especially extroverts like me.

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i did in fact cook later making the second package of beef cheeks i'd purchased. this time i went shopping to pick up the other ingredients needed to make stroganoff: mushrooms, noodles, etc. i also picked up 2 dozen eggs. i was craving scrambled eggs in a big way. there are SO many things i want to cook: homemade pasta sauce with pork skin added for richness, grilled squash, etc.

derek called around 9pm to check in. i got to bed around 10pm for a 2am call time.

06-05

had no problem waking up and getting to work. the route suggested by mapquest to reach the freeway was a lot easier than the most direct route, which has a lot of streetlights that typically result in stopping every five blocks or so.

went from 3:15 5o 8am this morning. i didn't even break a sweat. i ended up just sorting small packages off the belt. the old manager saw me during the break and told me she wants me back. that was nice to hear.  as expected, this week's paycheck was smaller due to working only four days with one of them being a 3 hour day, but most of my hours came over the weekend so it wasn't too bad. working 6 days instead of 5 this week will balance it out. didn't get direct deposit yet though.

timing is everything; it rained for the first time since i started relying on the metro to recharge. but instead of stopping at the metro, i came home, ate, and slept from 9-1. i could have set the alarm for 11:30 if i was still teaching at burbank. yes, keeping the fedex job when school starts back up is doable, though driving home in rush hour could be a bit of a drag. but in those cases, i could nap in my car until rush hour is over.

it feels so strange to be sitting here without having to worry about how much battery time i have left. i even have my external hard drive up and connected.

unless something really noteworthy occurs, i probably will go to posting less frequently for the next 3-5 weeks.

06-04

i put just about every small package that came into the center on a conveyor belt today. it took me 5.5 hours until 7:30. having not gone to sleep until after 11pm due to some kids parking in the lot, along with it being very cool and overcast, i decided to sleep in the car. by 11am i was at PHO banh mi che cali buying 2 banh mi and getting one free and by 11:30-ish i was recharging at the metro until 2pm using 2 bungee cords and my umbrella to provide under which i slept fitfully until about 2pm.
on my way over to arcadia park, i got a text from derek asking me to call. he was already on his way up north early due to another editor unexpectedly leaving the project. so i'm now house sitting for the next 3-5 weeks.

i can move almost everything out of my car and i need to get my futon (mattress) and pillows, all located in different places. i almost want to wait until tomorrow to do this since i've found a nice shady spot where i can sit and enjoy the breeze, eat my third banh mi, finish my drink and nap some more. i can use  both batteries today and recharge them tomorrow.

i decided to go for it, and just stopped by the place where my futon was. karl happened to be home and i also picked up my electric violin and amp now that i have a place to play.  karl sent me on my way with some fresh lemons and some homegrown heirloom tomatos. i plan on eating them sliced with just a little salt and pepper. they are REALLY good.

got most of my stuff unpacked and now chilling by 7 pm. i can go to sleep here at 10:30, sleep until 2:30

i couldn't wait and made some beef cheeks in the instapot and ate some before i went to bed.

06-03

all the cars were gone when i woke up around 6. i went back to sleep and left the lot around 8am to get some wifi at REI before recharging for the day.

i note with some interest that my blog posts are now getting a few views.

now charging over at the metro. both benches are taken, so i go over to the platform, lash my umbrella to the rail for shade, and start charging my laptop - and for the first time in a month - my phone; i'm usually pretty good about keeping it plugged in to the lighter when i'm driving the car, but between not doing so yesterday and the number of texts i exchanged about dinner and the curfew had my phone beeping about its low battery around 5am this morning. i elected to shut it off.
it's only 9am and the sun is already pretty hot. it's going to get hot today. i consider checking the forecast online but i decide i'd rather not know and just find my sources of shade today.  i've considered trying the arcadia park parking lot; it's huge and there are a number of trees, but there are also already a number of cars occupying a lot of them, and i won't finish recharging until about 10:30 this morning. head back to pasadena, grab wifi at my mechanic's, grab lunch at vons and head over to eaton blanche park for the afternoon. even after being just baout eveyr morning for a couple of weeks, there are a number of faces at the park i don't recognize. i wonder if the curfew has disrupted their schedules in how they're all tapping the outlets.
i suppose i should mention the recorded messages that play over and over at the metro. they all typically end with: "LA is better when we're healthy together", er, togetter? the translation into spanish that follows doesn't come close to rhyming. oh well.
i've read accounts of the excessive force resulting in another tragic death and i've started to follow the news about the unrest that's prompted the curfew. it's another tragic event, no doubt, but i can't help but wonder if it's as much cabin fever vs. outrage that's motivated people to protest. perhaps it's less cynical to suggest that a lot of the outrage is displaced frustration related to the quarantine.  the bottom line is that any sort of mob mentality that goes unchecked does not bode well for the future.

even with the shade, the black t-shirt i'm wearing is starting to feel warm. perhaps this is what's prompted the (to me) unusual number of people already at the park this morning.  i guess i'd expect fewer people early in the month; last night at dinner one of the regulars started ranting about how some folks getting some sort of government money would pool their funds to get a hotel room, drugs & females for a two week binge. it segued into how the quarantine disrupted his going back to school and how he didn't want to spend another winter on the street. as he got more animated he got closer and closer to the table and i had to ask him to observe the social distancing thing, which set him off even more.  frustrations are running high, and i could have handled that better.

i told my boss tuesday morning that i'd come in thursday instead of taking the day off. with the curfew and my needing to leave derek's so early part of me regrets not having gone in to work this morning, but i do need the rest and a day to run errands as needed. for example, my brakes have been squeaking intermittently. i should have my mechanic take a look as they were only recently replaced, in which case i can continue to charge AND get wifi there. i just got called to confirm my coming in, and that my call time was 2am.

all the lifts were full - they asked me to come back at 2 after their lunch. so i picked a package of lunch meat and made sandwiches at the park. bread isn't going to last all that long in the car in this kind of heat; i can already see condensation inside the plastic bag.

i got a phone call from a girl named natalie who i met at a christian dance  a few years ago. she's terminally cute, but i have t-shirts that are older than she is.  so this was a bit out of the blue - she's been writing short stories during the quarantine and wants me to read a particular story based on covid-19. i told her i'd try to read it before the end of the day. i gave her my email address. she's also itching to go dancing. i jokingly suggested one of us bring a boombox to a park and dance together there. she said she'd be up for it. hmmm.

turns out i need to have the front brakes AND front & rear rotors replaced and it's going to cost me about $520. still cheaper than rent, and i've spent the rest of the afternoon in A/C recharging my laptop and getting wifi. i read through the short story. i think i'm going to sleep on it before providing feedback.

at 6pm i decided to head out to the metro, mainly just to be social. and it paid off as i  got a chance to talk a bit with jeff the cook who was there with food to cook, but john (the vet) and paul weren't there - and apparently john has the stove. jeff is a fellow buckeye, though he hails from the southern end of the state near cincinnatti. he noted that northern ohioans have a different mindset compared to southern ohioans. i had to agree. jeff was more than a little p.o.'d that he wasn't able to cook and disclosed some info about paul which confirmed my initial impression of the guy; food is really important to him. he's spent time in jail and is banned from using any dating app. apparently he had a lot of first dates where he ate and ran, sticking his dates with the check. he justified it by saying that eating good food made him feel better.  they dropped all the felony charges and convicted him of petty theft.  it would be interesting to see if i could get an idea of how food became so important to him - and help me better understand why i medicate with it. jeff also touched on scott going into housing for a month. apparently one of the conditions is that the room is inspected nightly - no women, etc. 

i'm thinking about getting  a camping stove - or borrowing derek's. but i'll be house sitting in a few days - his assignment starts on the monday the 8th, but he's thinking of heading up early and visiting his mother for the weekend so i could be in as early as the 6th.  part of me wants to stay out there and learn more about jeff - or when i get funding, find a way to get him involved with cooking for more people - i think i like his ability to improvise with what he's got.

 i hung out until 7pm, and headed off to fedex. on my way to the car, i got texted by another female i know through dance (very good follow - dances ballroom, salsa and WCS well).joyce wanted recommendations on where to get the best xiao long bao (XLB) since my favorite place, shanghai dumpling house, was closed. i had no good answer since i didn't know which places were open.
instead of heading to my normal spot where i sleep i decided to park with other cars and move a bit later after confirming that that part of the lot didn't have any other people in their cars, or hanging out talking.  i ate my takeout from mcdonald's.

i just texted joyce back and asked where she'd gone. she told me and then asked me if i wanted to go with her when shanghai dumpling house reopened. you need to understand that when i've contacted her in the past to go dancing and stuff she's always had other plans.  having a couple of cute females contact me out of the blue on the same day makes the day worth commemorating .  i treated myself to two mchicken sandwiches AND two mcdoubles for $6  tax, along with another polar pop from circle k.

today's been a full day. i think i need a day off after feeding the homeless. but i'm rested and ready to get back to it. call time 2am tomorrow morning.

06-02

started off as usual then i got switched over to "smalls" and ended up doing a number of different functions. the more cross trained i am, the better.  got done at 8:30-ish. told them i'd consider coming in on thursdays.
got about 4 hours of charge left plus the backup battery. i can skip the metro if i take a nap in the morning. hit SK around 2:30, get tacos and head over and start cooking.
it's still overcast and cool. better to nap now i think.

i napped until almost noon when i got a text from derek informing me of the 6pm curfew mandated by LA county. even though arcadia was enforcing an 8pm curfew,  i decided not to take the risk and to  serve dinner at 5pm instead, hoping that at least a few people would be there. it was gratifying to see two regulars i've referred to as webster and wayne in another blog, saying that they figured i'd come before the curfew. actually, it's more than gratifying; it's more a validation of the impact i've had on at least two people. as it turns out, we actually had 9-10 people eventually show up for dinner, and i asked them to let everyone else know that if the curfew persists, we'll do dinner at 5pm instead.
got back, got everything cleaned up and was out before derek's ex showed up with their son whose custody is shared by the two of them. currently parked on the street, but thinking that i might as well go back to fedex and sleep there since i'm going to have to go to the metro to recharge since i can't sleep in the driveway tonight. i'll wait until about 8pm to go though.

there a number of people in the lot at the far end including a car with what appeared to be three kids; others are using the lot as a place to go/stay/sleep; my predictament is not all that unusual.

06-01

a month has elapsed.

turned to be 1:30 call time. not 1am. done around 8:45. washed, polihed off a small container of granola, washed it down with he remnants of my gatorade left unfinished after my shift, slept until 11am & woke up all sweaty. so much for washing up. headed over to metro, had a brief chat with a guy who's come to dinner in the past. he figured i'd stopped. said he'd be there tomorrow. he also told me that there's an outlet at victory park behind the baseball field. also made the observation that it was a 'neutral' park - no gangs claim turf unlike places like villa park.
a young couple entered the portapotty.  i can hear the girl's voice occsionally. i assume they're doing something illicit, but if they can handle the smell being cooped up in there, power to them. but i am thinking of how i might lock them in. i think i could have done it with some bungee cords, but then i'd end up losing them since i'd have to leave.
speaking of leaving, the bench now in shade was being occupied by some guy who kept playing the same song over and over for the better part of an hour.  i just noticed that he left, so i moved and i can now type with two hands as i was typiing with one hand while holding an umbrella with the other for shade and to eliminate the glare.
it's going to be almost 2pm by the time i'm fully recharged. i'm tempted to get lunch, but it would be just to break the monotony. i do need to replenish my stock of sports drink. i'll head back over to REI and look for vons/ralphs in arcadia. plus i need to send an email for tomorrow's dinner. maybe nap over at the the arcadia park if shade can be found that's not already occupied?
i could just eat some of what's left in the car (more granola, fruit, nutragrain bars, etc.) and come back for dinner here. i admit that i'm intrigued. it occurs to me that i could just stay here for the rest of the day. i'm parked on a side street with no restrictions. it's a litle warm but i'm not really thirsty and the breeze is quite pleasant now that i'm no longer downwind of the portapotty.  i can just walk over to the REI and see if i can tap the WIFI from the shade of the metro structure, and top off the battery before i head off in search of sports drink.
it occurs to me that i could accomplish two things by not going for lunch - deny my coping mechanism of medicating with food, and spend the time thinking more about this.
the stitch job i did on my jeans has failed and the hole is now visible again. i may need to switch back to shorts for tonight.
it looks like the poartapotty maintenance person is here. this should be interesting. the young kids got out and just walked away. i watched the guy vacuum clothes out of the toilet. whatever it is, they don't pay him enough. wlkaed over to REI and sat on a retaining wall. a worker came out to ask if I was OK. i told her yeah. i located a ralphs on foothill only a few blocks away, and they had powerade on sale for only $.49 if you buy 8. i also decided to buy 10 oz of turkey and a loaf of bread for $3. i then decided to try parking at the arcadia park where in my car i ate the 10 slcies of turkey with 4 slices of bread and a packet of mayo i'd saved from subway who knows how many years ago. i then moved o a spot with shade and slept until 5:40 or so.i drove to one end of the park where i saw restrooms, only to see a sign on the door that those bathrooms closed at 5:30. i then walked across the park only to discover that those restrooms had been closed at 4pm due to the curfew. so i found a secluded spot and did my business in the bushes and walked by to my car. on a lark, i did a quick check and found that denny's was within range. i couldn't connect so i drove to a lot across the street and tapped their wifi to locate all the circle k's in arcadia ; i plan on getting another drink tonight.  i'm that thirsty.
headed over to the metro at 6:30. the two benches with working outlets were taken. one bench had a trio of kinda unsavory looking types while the old guy was at the bench downwind of the portapotty. frankly, he talks too much and i find him kinda tedious, so i decided to try one of the outlets on the platform. both outlets needed to be reset before i could start charging. if they're going to cook, there's no sign of it. the plan is to be out of here by 7:30 so i can tap REI wifi before the curfew.

john left, but i think i'm better where i am. one of the trio is going off on some rant while the other two guys apparently are continuing to carry on  their own conversation. there are a number of new faces i haven't seen before tonight, by and large scruffier looking lot.
i'd love to get the story of the guy cooking last night if i could get time with him without john around. he just talks nonstop.

there's some kid playing his music fairly loud. kinda obnoxious. i laughed when the train stopped and the operator refused to open the door he was waiting at and pulled out of the station. what's really funny about it that it was the 7:15 train, and according to someone last night, that was the last train last night. ah. the recorded announcement instructed riders with bicycles only to board using doors with the yellow decals.

scott showed up. he gets into housing for a month starting tomorrow. i wished him good luck. i regret not hearing more of his story.

left and went to get a polar pop at circle k. went with a no sugar powerade option - and got it for free because the cashier couldn't break a $20 bill. yay.

asleep at 10 for a 3:15 call time.

05-31

was done by 5am. decided to pass on the load/unload.  washed up.
planning on crashing in the parking lot until whenever, which turned out to be around 8:45, so i could have done the 9-1 shift, but i decided i would accept whatever hours come my way on a 6 day week; having the extra free day wasn't helping me get extra rest or anything.
cleaned out the car a bit. the front passenger side, the center console, glove compartment - where i found the spare batteries for the mercedes key - i've noticed that i needed to be within 5 feet of the car for it to work. rather than risk running out of batery, i replaced them. it's been 3 years, and i have one spare left - the fob takes two. but i figure that replacing just one would be enough while waiting for another order - they came in packs of five. i should have saved the original two as backups.
drove over to REI checked email, etc. and tried to file a 999-N - unfortunately, i can't file online because my tax id is no longer valid due to it being revoked. so i'll file a 990-EZ. still making progress. started recharging around 11am. i'm sharing a bench today with another regular who approached me and asked to share. he's listening to headphones and eating ice cream out of a quart container i assume he picked up somewhere earlier this morning. i added a couple of nutragrain bars to my bag in case the asian guy shows up.  but i don't think he comes in the morning, and last night he saw me and didn't even bother hitting me up.
i suppose i should be wearing my mask since this guy is sitting at the other end of the bench, but i left my mask in the car. i should put a spare one in my bag. i'll do that when i get back to my car.
i forgot to mention this yesterday:  i've been driving around in silence. i listen only to KUSC and they either went off the air for a while and/or i inadvertently hit a button and detuned off their frequency. i went channel surfing yesterday and rediscovered KUSC and so now I'm driving to classical music.  it makes a difference; i feel a bit more civilized as a consequence. i guess that makes me a classier sort of riff-raff.
i've decided to eat the 3 nutragrain bars in my bag and eat some of the fruit in my car for lunch. no polar pop today, just water. the nutragrain bars actually aren't that healthy, but it'll be a change from spending $15-20 on food like i have been for the better part of a week.  i'm down to about $100 in EBT on this last day in may. i'm looking forward to cooking again and eating a lot more produce/vegetables and dropping carbonated drinks back out of my diet. i suspect that's the main reason i haven't lost more weight, though i can tell that my pants and shorts feel less tight now.
in five months i can apply for a trainer position. i should have stayed with fedex knowing what i know now.  can't change the past. can change my future.
and the biggest thing i can see is coming to grips with how my emotional damage continues to hold me back. but how does one go about it? while channel surfing yesterday, i stayed on 99.5 KKLA for a bit, and the program topic was how to love god. it was suggested that one way was to love children - is this why i've had certain students to tutor at huntington, not to mention chess?

my benchmate has asked me to watch his stuff while he goes to the restroom - and not that  smelly porta-potty - he has a key to the metro washroom, which explains why i've seen him dressed in metro apparel; he's working for the metro, but probably isn't making enough to afford housing in this market.
it's gotten hot. fortunately i packed a small umbrella in my bag. i have to type one handed for a bit, but i'll be back to reading shortly.
i recharged until about 11-ish and decided in a change of pace and went to a carl's and they became the THIRD location not to accept my EBT. i paid cash. the temple city park was right next door, but it wasn't until after i'd parked and walked over that i saw that the picnic tables were cordoned off. so i went to the gazebo, ate standing up, went back to my car and slept until 3:30. headed over to ranch 99 hoping to find some cold chicken noodle BOGOF. the only thing they had BOGOF was pickled vegetables and marinated tofu. i went with that, ate it at eaton blanche and read until about 6:30.
got to the metro station and discovered someone cooking beef and chicken in a pan over a burner plugged into one of the outlets. he just used butter and some jamison irish whiskey and man it was GOOD. i told him we need to video him and put him on youtube. someone had provided flap meat, and it was perfectly cooked with a nice char on one side. he did the same thing with the marinated chicken. i donated packets of soy left over from my sushi which he used on the chicken. it was pretty good.
they invited me back tomorrow night. apparently someone is providing kobe beef.
i went to over to REI at 8pm, but arcadia police are enforcing the curfew and i'm already over at fedex after stopping for a polar pop - with powerade.
there was a lot of grease. my innards are churning a bit - but it might be the carl's at lunch. i suspect i'll be using my pot - or i could go in to work, use the restroom and come back out. at least i have a choice tonight.
fell asleep around 10pm.

05-30

i surfed the web using REI & my old battery and ended up getting to fedex around 9:30. there were a bunch of van drivers b.s. ing at the far end of the lot so i parked, pulled out my laptop put it on top of the car and smoked a cigar until they left. i actually fell asleep while reading in the car, and woke 10 ten minutes early for my 3 am call time.
there was an announcement about wanting people to come in 9am-1pm either today or tomorrow. load/unload only with an extra $3 an hour and an in-n-out burger. tempted, since i missed memorial day last monday.
was done by 7:15 today.  working line 1 with 3 trucks and a new guy doing the other side.
surfed again at REI using the new battery . some black guy sitting at one bench within my extension cord length of another seating spot didn't understand the concept of a power strip, so i plugged into another outlet where someone was napping on the bench and cobbled all my lines together so i could sit on a rock nearby. should be finished recharging at 9:45 or so.  i might try a nap over at the park in arcadia. i noticed a lot of cars still parked at that lot after 9pm last night.
after recharging,  went to eaton blanche arund 11 and ate the other half of the von's sandwich. slept until 4pm or so. woke up with a serious case of drymouth. i'm hoping it was from the bag of potato chips i'd bought. actually, i bought 3 of them a number of weeks ago -- buy two get one free. won't do that again. went down to ranch 99 for takeout sushi. ate at eaton blanche, but it's been pretty cold today and i left to recharge at the metro until about 7:30.
i don't want to head down to fedex this early, but then it's cold enough i doubt the latino truck drivers will stay out in the lot for long. i'm contemplating grabbing a couple of mcdoubles on the way, but i think i'd just be medicating with food.

i guess that's as good a segue as any;  during my last session with dave, he posed these questions concerning my childhood: did i feel comforted? did i feel heard? did i feel understood? and the answer is: no, no and no. and i can see now that i comforted myself with food.

argh. it's really feeling cold with the breeze. i'm settling for 90% charge after sneezing.
stopped at mcd's for 2 mcdoubles, but at least i didn't get a soft drink. that's what keeping me from losing weight and also having to urinate more often. well, in a week, i'l be able to stick with just water for 3 weeks. let's see how that plays out.
got to fedex before 9 but was asleep by 10.