05-31

was done by 5am. decided to pass on the load/unload.  washed up.
planning on crashing in the parking lot until whenever, which turned out to be around 8:45, so i could have done the 9-1 shift, but i decided i would accept whatever hours come my way on a 6 day week; having the extra free day wasn't helping me get extra rest or anything.
cleaned out the car a bit. the front passenger side, the center console, glove compartment - where i found the spare batteries for the mercedes key - i've noticed that i needed to be within 5 feet of the car for it to work. rather than risk running out of batery, i replaced them. it's been 3 years, and i have one spare left - the fob takes two. but i figure that replacing just one would be enough while waiting for another order - they came in packs of five. i should have saved the original two as backups.
drove over to REI checked email, etc. and tried to file a 999-N - unfortunately, i can't file online because my tax id is no longer valid due to it being revoked. so i'll file a 990-EZ. still making progress. started recharging around 11am. i'm sharing a bench today with another regular who approached me and asked to share. he's listening to headphones and eating ice cream out of a quart container i assume he picked up somewhere earlier this morning. i added a couple of nutragrain bars to my bag in case the asian guy shows up.  but i don't think he comes in the morning, and last night he saw me and didn't even bother hitting me up.
i suppose i should be wearing my mask since this guy is sitting at the other end of the bench, but i left my mask in the car. i should put a spare one in my bag. i'll do that when i get back to my car.
i forgot to mention this yesterday:  i've been driving around in silence. i listen only to KUSC and they either went off the air for a while and/or i inadvertently hit a button and detuned off their frequency. i went channel surfing yesterday and rediscovered KUSC and so now I'm driving to classical music.  it makes a difference; i feel a bit more civilized as a consequence. i guess that makes me a classier sort of riff-raff.
i've decided to eat the 3 nutragrain bars in my bag and eat some of the fruit in my car for lunch. no polar pop today, just water. the nutragrain bars actually aren't that healthy, but it'll be a change from spending $15-20 on food like i have been for the better part of a week.  i'm down to about $100 in EBT on this last day in may. i'm looking forward to cooking again and eating a lot more produce/vegetables and dropping carbonated drinks back out of my diet. i suspect that's the main reason i haven't lost more weight, though i can tell that my pants and shorts feel less tight now.
in five months i can apply for a trainer position. i should have stayed with fedex knowing what i know now.  can't change the past. can change my future.
and the biggest thing i can see is coming to grips with how my emotional damage continues to hold me back. but how does one go about it? while channel surfing yesterday, i stayed on 99.5 KKLA for a bit, and the program topic was how to love god. it was suggested that one way was to love children - is this why i've had certain students to tutor at huntington, not to mention chess?

my benchmate has asked me to watch his stuff while he goes to the restroom - and not that  smelly porta-potty - he has a key to the metro washroom, which explains why i've seen him dressed in metro apparel; he's working for the metro, but probably isn't making enough to afford housing in this market.
it's gotten hot. fortunately i packed a small umbrella in my bag. i have to type one handed for a bit, but i'll be back to reading shortly.
i recharged until about 11-ish and decided in a change of pace and went to a carl's and they became the THIRD location not to accept my EBT. i paid cash. the temple city park was right next door, but it wasn't until after i'd parked and walked over that i saw that the picnic tables were cordoned off. so i went to the gazebo, ate standing up, went back to my car and slept until 3:30. headed over to ranch 99 hoping to find some cold chicken noodle BOGOF. the only thing they had BOGOF was pickled vegetables and marinated tofu. i went with that, ate it at eaton blanche and read until about 6:30.
got to the metro station and discovered someone cooking beef and chicken in a pan over a burner plugged into one of the outlets. he just used butter and some jamison irish whiskey and man it was GOOD. i told him we need to video him and put him on youtube. someone had provided flap meat, and it was perfectly cooked with a nice char on one side. he did the same thing with the marinated chicken. i donated packets of soy left over from my sushi which he used on the chicken. it was pretty good.
they invited me back tomorrow night. apparently someone is providing kobe beef.
i went to over to REI at 8pm, but arcadia police are enforcing the curfew and i'm already over at fedex after stopping for a polar pop - with powerade.
there was a lot of grease. my innards are churning a bit - but it might be the carl's at lunch. i suspect i'll be using my pot - or i could go in to work, use the restroom and come back out. at least i have a choice tonight.
fell asleep around 10pm.